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joel sison think about this
"There are somethings that are nothing more than what they are. They're not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time." -Alex and Emma use that mouse
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thanks to..
(c) 2006
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006
it must have been hard for him to hear his little girl sobbing on the other line. no matter how much hard i tried to hide the pain, i was unsuccessful to stop the tears from flowing. didnt mean to make him worry. tried to console my sorrow with the hug and sweet words of my papang, but you know, nothing beats the comfort of having him around. his and my bro's mere presence soothe this brat's emotions. its difficult when youre used to being surrounded by people whom you tell almost everything you feel, hear or see. without having the need to sugarcoat or delete somethig you have in mind. without being judged or whatsoever. its ironic that what ive been so used to and what have worked for me and my men, apparently, does not necessarily work for everybody. i blame myself. for lapse of judgment. for expecting things to be the same if not better. for thinking everyone that talks to me about my future cares and loves me as he does. or like my brother does. to be in this position is more or less my fault. but as i have said again and again, i try to be a little stronger. but isnt it as hurtful to know "a little" is not enough? will never be enough? more than just a little of strength is what i need but what can i do if my sole source of strength and i are miles are miles apart? can it be fedex-ed? boi, how i wish it was that easy. life is never fair and i know that too well. learned that from him, from the bestest of the bestest. id like to share something my old friend, gc, told me. the people whom you think are trying to stop you from everything are actually the ones who are pushing you to be better, to be in the right place. gawd, i sure hope i didnt mess with my grammar this time. geez, life is trippin' on me. |
Friday, September 22, 2006
safe to say, today is better than yesterday and the days before that. main street probably played a magic trick on me or something. or was it my red hoody that did that to me? whatever it is, i think like it. the only thing i hate in hospitals are the potatoes. no. i dont mean to say i hate potatoes. but i dont like it when cafeterias dont serve rice. i see my aunts trying their best to avoid rice and i serioulsy pity them. i told tita c, id die in huner if i give up on my favorite source of carb. i dont care if you say its gonna make me seem like i grow watermelon in my belly button. (if were watching the same tv shows then you prolly know where i got that line from). potatoes, noodles.. or whatever rice substitute, i dont care. i want my rice. and few months ago i was asked whether or not i was ready. you know. to be a nurse. work in a hospital. deal with sick people and all that. (although clients could be well patients too.) i didnt know what to answer then coz honestly i wasnt sure at all. but now, i think im ready. or maybe i dont even just think that. maybe, well, just maybe, i know i am ready. the hospital makes me feel alive. im not sure it ever made me feel this way before. but it did today and yesterday. and compared to the ones ive been affiliated to, the health facilities i walk into these days are rather inspiring. you see flowers, you see people smiling, asking how youve been, wishing you a good day.. its just sooo different. and thats what i want to be part of. books are also a reason for me to smile today. got my library card today and it felt really really glorious. call me OA, i dont care. my house should have a library. oh i practically walked the whole day. and my feet dont even hurt. its so cool. i just love it. despite getting hurt every once in a while, i love america. but i dont hate philippines either. in fact, i cant even say US is better than pinas. gets? anyways, today is like realization day. well, not really. but somehow, i was reminded of why i am here. my purpose. i just hope i dont forget it again tomorrow. boohoo. Bone painted the world at 7:55 PM |
Friday, September 15, 2006
its never easy sticking with someone whose behavior is not much understood by most people. you choose to stay because you know that most of the time, it is this sort of people who needs help the most. sometimes it gets harder when you can clearly see its going to cause you a lot of trouble. that its going to bring you sh*t. its like being in a tragic movie where the ship youre in is sinking and you have to choose who to save: the one you love or yourself. there would be some points when you'll feel like its been to much and you would jsut want to leave and walk away. it happens. sometimes you just run out of patience. but the very moment you think of giving up on a certain person, guilt starts to crawl under your skin. like you deserve to care only for others. as if it is a shame to love yourself more than anyone else in this world. so then again, you choose to stay and maybe, just maybe, be a little stronger. im not sure this is about you and me. or anyone for that matter. all i am sure of is that i am no longer the one and only. people around me have been showing signs here and there. but i just shook my head and try not to notice. but its all clear now. i am the leading lady no more. its not just me anymore. in fact, i think (and feel), theres no more me at all.
ps. ill post some bday related pics next time. its not a lot but it should be enough to tell you how its been lately. here's one photo:
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
the date?? just cheating. not really in the mood to make an entry today. just been looking some pics to make myself a little chirpier. ahh, the highlights of this month. am not sure it works though. so what? big deal.  help me think of happy thoughts. just happy thoughts. disney. rainforest cafe's volcano cake. gozum. simba who is always kinikilig every time i touch him. weird cat. gigantic legos. long beach. nowhere to go type of walk. after coffee gum from starbucks which beb decided to give me as a souvenir. flip flops and flat shoes. yesterday, i convinced myself not to worry about my height too much anymore. comfort first. should learn how not to care about the world knowing how tall i really am. or short. whatev. the tunic R gave me. its soooooo cool. eating out. or just eating. old friends. gitara.. i cant believe im putting it here. yes, gitara. am deciding whether or not i am liking two thousand oh-oh six. whatever. Bone painted the world at 2:12 PM |
Saturday, September 09, 2006
another fun weekend. old friend + new acquaintances + hard drinks + guitar + walk by the beach. you see its all good. thanks to R and M. oh, that M is one helluva funny guy. i literally had kabag the first night. he baptized me with a new name: Vaughn. R and i were joking that i should be called by my first name since im already dalaga. but she keeps forgetting and still calls me bone. M says it should be vaughn since im in the us and it should be with class daw. lol. then theres also G (i dont know, they call him "gey-an" but lets just call him G for blogging's sake) . as if M is not yet enough to make me and R laugh for like every second. although i kinda miss cuervo and genuine lambanog (which i know ill never ever taste again) , we skipped tequila and had something else instead. vodka mixed with, as G called it, "shampoo and conditioner." never finished with my glass since all of them quickly refilled my glass every time i was done with one third of my vodka mix. yes, i had a separate glass. we were just laughing all night. the first thing i noticed when i entered M's pad? ha! a guitar. he's f*cking guitar. man, the guy is good. which made me miss this:
i dont know if he was just too drunk but M said "t*ngina, my talent to," when i started strumming the strings. G also said "t*ngina, mas marunong pa tong mag-gitara sakin eh noh." flattered, of course. but hello?! i can hardly remember the songs and chords anymore. so yeah, maybe we were just too intoxicated to distinguish whats talent and trash. long beach kind of reminded me of eastwood. i know the prior is waaay better than eastwood but, i dont know, i was just reminded. long beach. i just love the cold and the endless walking, like, wherever the wind takes you kind of walking. am unemployed and spent a lil today but i barely give a damn. some day is nearing. i deserve something roxy and good food. plus, the Islands meal is the best way i could think of to thank the three for making today and yesterday more than okay. i dont even mind that i missed going to J's birthday party. the hugging part was kind of unexpected. wow, it felt really sincere. i really appreciate how much they wanted me to enjoy l.a., burbank, and long beach. i was laughing almost all of the time that the four of us were together. lets do a little recap. last week was with JmG and rach in downtown disney. and this week with R, M and G. im already happy and its not even my birthday yet. wow. Bone painted the world at 9:19 PM |
Monday, September 04, 2006
in the meantime, let me post something in response to my fellow blogger's tag. but this one's with a twist. naks. i shall leave the sixth slot for you to complete. once tagged by this entry, write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. in the end of it, pick six of your friends and tag them! (no tag backs.) this explanation must be included, of course.[source] (and can i just say, this is my first time to use blocquote. lol.) bed's twin! at night i would set the alarm clock in such a way that i could snooze for like ten times pa before i get up. let's say i have to wake up at 9am. i will set the alarm at 7am and hit snooze button until im ready. i like to wake up... really wake up only when i am ready. but sometimes, i have no choice. silly world. and no matter how much shut-eye i get, it will never be enough. i want to sleep. i could settle with daydreaming if sleeping is not an option. not really maarte. let me explain. i know the way i talk and the way i execute my movements are maarte but when it comes to other things, i am really not. like i dont care if i have to touch a worm or something like that. i could eat almost anything. and i dont mind eating with my hands or without even a plate. im not really good with makeups and dressing up, heck i usually dont even care how my hair looks like. girlfriends' boyfriend's favorite. i am brutally frank. tactless, if you prefer that. but im just honest. i dont say what people want to hear, i blurt what they have and should hear. puts me in trouble sometimes but i never learned my lesson. i dont like lying and i dont want lies and those who tell them as well. i dont care if your my friend or not, i dont sugarcoat. when i can, i dont choose to be bias. thats why my girlfriends' boys like me.. as a friend, of course. relationship = 0. while i started early when it comes to relationship, i never had a normal one. ive never experienced being in a proper relationship. and they never last lost. lasted, i mean.. coz who knows i might meet a guy who's actually worth it, right? lol. i just cant tolerate liars. i just keep mum but i cant stand it. if they wanna talk lies, i let them be, just dont ask me to stick with them. [edit]but to be fair, its not always their fault. breakups happen mainly because of either my jealousy or their lies. or maybe theres really a neon sign pasted on my forehead saying: fool me. [/edit] frustrated kai. translation: talent-less. really. i dont have a talent. no matter how many lessons i attend to. or no matter how many people want to help me learn, im just a loser. i went to dance and voice lessons but bleh! sure, i was doing cheerdancing for 4 years but i just cant dance anymore. nangalawang siguro katawan ko. singing? my passion but nah, i prefer to do in the shower. when it comes to billiards, my dad and friends been trying to teach me since third year high school but im just hopeless. and the guitar thingy is just something i could dream forever. lol. sixth slot is for you. you think you had me figured already? tell me. do you find me makapal or something? let me know. it could be a fact about myself, you know. id be really grateful if you do this. yen says: for me, u are one smart lady, a brave and independent woman who doesnt need someone to defend her coz u sure can take care of urself which is really admirable. u may have encountered difficulties and a lot of heartaches in the past, but u have remained to be a tough woman, and i guessed all these experiences had made what u are today!i am tagging the following people because... russ, coz you dont visit me often anymore! haha, just kidding. coz youre my first blogista friend and i actually know you. joel sison, you said you dont update coz you have nothing to blog. respi, paulinian ka kasi. haha connection? shai, you seem really really nice thats why i want to know more about you. yen, i want to know you more. kim, because youre part of thesassychique family. lol. oo nga, ang dami ko pang palusot eh konti lang naman talaga links ko. since i accidentally erased them everyone before. Bone painted the world at 9:25 PM |
Sunday, September 03, 2006
personally, i dont think the previous entry is a nice one. yes, i have these ambivalent feelings toward the issue. the other night was more than just OK as JmG, my old and long-time friend came all the way from sacramento for the long weekend. as much as i want to infest this with photos, i cannot. simply because i dont have them yet. but id like to share with you one of the bloopers i had that night. we had a volcano cake. you know, fudge cake + vanilla ice cream + all else that make it chocolate-y. yummy, i know! but when i tasted the ice cream, i thought "anu ba naman tong ice cream na to, walang lasa. hindi pa malamig." of course, i was too modest to say it out loud. then after a minute or so, i started being amazed. me: "Uy, ang galing. hindi nagme-melt yung ice cream!" R started to laugh then when she finally got her composure. she said, "whip cream kasi sya." okay this is weird. coz now that im reading this, it just doesnt look funny at all. but i swear it made us laugh so hard.... or maybe i was damn too happy to be with JmG again. yes, it felt like home.. SHOUTOUT: SHai, thanks a lot for helping me yet again with the codes. youre the best, girl. walang kasamang bola. Bone painted the world at 10:33 AM | |
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because if you choose silence, people take advantage of you.
because if you dont speak, they will tell lies. because if you dont care and simply live life, they make up stories. because if you are loved, others will bring you down.
sometimes, you need a place you can call your own. where all you see and hear is the truth. a place where you see colors instead of just black&white. a happy place. home.
