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joel sison think about this
"There are somethings that are nothing more than what they are. They're not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time." -Alex and Emma use that mouse
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(c) 2006
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Thursday, August 24, 2006
when you grow older, you start learning to view things from outside the box. they say girls mature faster than boys. i dont know. how can they tell? but i think what forced me to mature faster than my other colleagues is the fact that my mom is forever working abroad. as a kid, i didnt have a mother to help me go through obstacles that most girls experience. no one taught me how to dress up or put on make up, i did not know what to do when i had my first period -- hey, i didnt even know that it was it!, am not sure if there was even someone who taught me how to fix my hair.. if a wanted to go somewhere or wanted to spend some night out with girlfriends, i did not have someone to argue with. my father was too busy with work and out-of-town trips. it sucked so much coz every time we had intraschool dance competitions or whatnot, i only had my schoolmates for my audience. others had their mom or dad and even their sibs. in 3rd grade, i remember my dad handing some cash which i was supposed to budget for the entire household. funny coz i didnt even know what budget meant at that time. it was hard and fun at the same time. i had freedom at an early age. i didnt even have to rebel to have it. lucky bone, you might think. the good thing about that is that i have learned to decide on my own. somehow ive managed to push myself to go out of the box and observe. with that, i have learned to see whether something is good for me or not. i saw a lot of people grabbing whatever is within their reach. i used to envy them for winning a gorgeous boyfriend, for hooking up with the rich and famous. whatever. but when i think about it.. i went to good private schools, i have a college degree, ive travelled, my relationship with my father and bro is priceless, ive never had real curfew, i was never banned from drinking, smoking, or partying, my friends are the coolest, im close to most of my aunts and uncles, im friends with my cousins, i could work and i want to but my dad says no, i want to get married but i am not pregnant, i never needed to resort to abortion, i got good grades, i dont need to step on other people.. i could go on. life hasnt been easy all these years but its all compensated with all these blessings. and then if you look at life closely, you will see that all things are for the best. [go on, Voltaire, mock me with your Candide.] wait a second. i didnt realize all these just like that. i would be a hypocrite to tell you i never had heartaches going through life without a mom. its painful.. big time. at one point, we tried to recoup. tried living with my mom. and im telling you, it wasnt pretty. she just didnt know us anymore and she just seemed to be a stranger to us. yes, similar to what happened to claudine and vilma in Anak. and in all honesty, the wound is deep and it is still there. but right now, i am thrilled. coz i know the day that my family will be once and for all reunited is nearing. i cant wait to start having a life with them. my mom, my dad and kuyas. wow, it would be really great to have them side by side. man, i miss them to bits. my dad says he still sees me as his little girl most of the time but he also says that among his three devils, i mean children, i am most mature. he says my words often come with "bits and nuggets of wisdom." im just quoting the crazy old man. then my aunt says, i am responsible in most things. and that for my height, i do more than what i can. see why i love my family so much? they flood me with so many praises. lol. i just hope theyre telling the truth coz that would mean i am not at all a senseless person. this reminds me of my being Emily to everybody. i was my dad and bro's official Emily. i packed things for them, did groceries, heck even shopping for my amiga (brother's best girl friend), daddy's staff and all, did computer jobs for them, cooked sometimes, did cleaning.. name it. after all, i am the only girl. but i lurve it. but at the moment, its all different. i am still an Emily but not anymore to my boys. my queer kuya is jealous for me having this role. but he doesnt know its not at all easy. come on, if someone forgot her keys or cellphone somewhere -- i get the blame. if someone asks me to do this, one will reprimand me for doing just that. and if i dont do what ive been asked to do, same thing happens. someone will have to snap on me. dont get me wrong. im not complaining. i actually like it. i think its fun. but for the first time in my life this happenned: i went to the rest room to respond to the call of nature but before my ass could even touch the toilet bowl, someone was smashing the door as if someone needed to be brought to the emergency department. so i pulled up my pants and opened the door. and then the person said "have you seen my sharpener?" that is also why i am posting a long entry now. i can hardly face a computer without being watched. lol. Bone painted the world at 1:27 PM | |
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because if you choose silence, people take advantage of you.
because if you dont speak, they will tell lies. because if you dont care and simply live life, they make up stories. because if you are loved, others will bring you down.
sometimes, you need a place you can call your own. where all you see and hear is the truth. a place where you see colors instead of just black&white. a happy place. home.
