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(c) 2006
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
my heart feels a bit heavy. its been forever and i still havent received the necessary documents. i had it all figured out since 2003 but why does it seem like destiny is not cooperating with me? its just frustrating when you have planned everything carefully while the others are busy hurting other people and still things dont happen as you planned. not even close. theres not even a hint that says youre on the right track or that everythings gonna be okay soon. everyone says i have to be patient. im trying my best. but you see, ive been waiting for a while now and i feel like im gonna explode anytime.. im praying so hard for guidance and all that but im about to lose faith. just so unfair. and yesterday, the results of the local nurse licensure examination was released. it shouldnt affect me since i didnt take it. most of the people i know passed. except for one person, C. ive seen her work so hard. she's put a lot of effort and shes really one bright student. not only that, god knows shes one of the nicest girls in the world. sabi nga nila, siya ang taong pwedeng abusaduhin. so i was like, how could the bad ones pass? and there are also those who just didnt study seriously and still passed. i am disappointed. i could go straight to hell for what ive been thinking since yesterday. nasan na si god? why are the victors the evil ones? why is he letting the bad prevail over good? not only that. the controversy. prc is even aware of it. everyone who passed is aware of the leakage. papalagpasin na lang ba ulit? does anyone remember the word "fair??" ya, with all that, i am convinced i have to do something really bad in order to advance. seeing how the game of life is running, i am convinced i have to be an asshole just to get ahead of life.. but thats not me. im not an asshole and i know ill never be one. but i dont wanna be stuck here forever.. do you get it everytime i say i am so much in a deadend situation? its like i have to choose between evil/success and good/failure. my tita says darating din ang karma sa mga taong ganun. kung hindi naman, god bless their hearts. you know, whether or not karma would hit the villains, i could care less! really. i wouldnt care at all.. basta wag lang sana napapabayaan yung wala namang inaaapakang ibang tao para lang makalamang. life is unfair. i know it never is.. but this is too much. i need a god. where is he? Bone painted the world at 8:56 AM | |
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because if you choose silence, people take advantage of you.
because if you dont speak, they will tell lies. because if you dont care and simply live life, they make up stories. because if you are loved, others will bring you down.
sometimes, you need a place you can call your own. where all you see and hear is the truth. a place where you see colors instead of just black&white. a happy place. home.
