|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
the blog
the blogger
speak up!
click 'em
joel sison think about this
"There are somethings that are nothing more than what they are. They're not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time." -Alex and Emma use that mouse
have fun
thanks to..
(c) 2006
|
|
Monday, July 11, 2005
sheesh!! TOP SECRET. (seriously) hayy.. nothing seems to be right at the moment.. philippine politics sucks! then theres the bombing thingy in london (to which ive been totally clueless until yesterday). my to-do list is endless. the recent pimple breakout has caused too many scars. and ive been hating everyone at home these days. im not sure if i can blame my menstrual hormones but really, everyone/thing seems to annoy me. everything seems to be so heavy already that i want to put everything here.. so sorry if this post sends off some bad vibes. really. i apologize. first. i love my father sooo much and the whole world knows that but i hate the fact that he doesnt want to quit drinking. he has a history of stroke and he's on meds, which means alcoholic beverages are so no no. which part of that doesnt he understand? goodness. worrying about your father's health 24/7 is not cool. really. im always not sure whether he'll make it through the day (everyday!). and his latest lab exams shows elevated cholesterol, uric acid and all that.. and the doctor prescribed three additional meds for his maintanance. two of them for anginal attacks (for the heart) and one for urinary tract infection. still, he's not convinced that the beer has something to do with his unstable health status. **my god, dad, you know you're smarter than that!** and it hurts me so much that thinking that he doesnt even worry about his children in case something bad happens to him. it just makes me cry. second. my mom. she's not here. and thats basically it. she's been gone almost my entire life. so you can just imagine how hard everything was/is for me. oh and can i just add that i so need a mom especially during my adolescent stage considering that im the only girl and the youngest in our family. now, she doesnt seem to comprehend that life here in the philippines is terribly difficult. i hate the way she cant manage her finances. third. my brother #2. he hasnt been talking to me and my dad since thursday. and the hell! i hate that he just doesnt have the will to drive and lets me do everything like i dont have school and all that. honestly, nursing is not as easy as it seems. aside from the mental challenge, its so physically draining. if you know what i mean. **you know, id love to do EVERYTHING for all of you guys but you know, sometimes, i just dont have the energy. sometimes, i get tired too you know. and sometimes i wanna do my own thing also but i cant because i have you guys to think about. its not that i dont want to think about my family coz i honestly love doing things for everyone. my only point is sometimes i need help too, you know. help. its not because i dont want to give anymore but because i have nothing to give anymore. it really hurts. but you know i love you all. and thats exactly why ive been exerting more than i can to give you everything.. to do eveything for all you guys. and ya, you have got to fix your temper, brother. (if you happen to read this, so sorry.. again, temper temper! i dont mean trouble you know.** fourth. my brother #3. although he's been totally understanding to me lately. i hate all his lies and the way he doesnt udnerstand our father most of the time. i hate the way he lacks patience. fifth. the maids. gawd, cant they learn everything we teach them? are we supposed to give the same instructions literally everyday? okay, thatS forgiveable. but i think its common sense that they are not supposed to throw away food, right? ugh. MOST OF ALL, im so fed up with all the lying and all the kupits they've been making. so not right. there there.. i hope i didnt use the word hate too much. god knows hate is not even the right term to use. but there. im so done. i know I AM NOT PERFECT but heck, im so hurt and crying inside. is it because im human too? ya, maybe! PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT THIS AFTER READING. i want the people involved to read this themselves.. or maybe NOT. as i know it would only cause MORE TROUBLE and of course, thats the last thing i want to happen. its just that, i feel so suffocated already trying to keep everything inside. as ive said, it could be just my period causing all these emotions but heck, i am so hurt, damn it. and thats not cool. coz i want to be happy you know. i deserve to be happy. shit. i still have a homework to finish. and i still havent seen Chiz on the telly.. its prolly because ive been too busy to watch the television.. ack!!! haha. oh well, god bless my family.. and your families! =) i wish everyone's feeling exactly the opposite of what im feeling. wow, i cant believe im smiling already so.. SMILE EVERYONE. =) Bone painted the world at 11:14 PM | |
|
Layout by Bubbles.Net
|
because if you choose silence, people take advantage of you.
because if you dont speak, they will tell lies. because if you dont care and simply live life, they make up stories. because if you are loved, others will bring you down.
sometimes, you need a place you can call your own. where all you see and hear is the truth. a place where you see colors instead of just black&white. a happy place. home.
