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joel sison think about this
"There are somethings that are nothing more than what they are. They're not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time." -Alex and Emma use that mouse
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(c) 2006
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
aside from the fact that that stupid sponge who appreciates small things really makes my day.. the yellow guy makes me smile because that person said he's gonna give me a spongebob-thingy.. i don't know what it is exactly but just the thought makes me smile.. and yes, happy (bone, admit it!). i've been trying to be honest as i can. i saw the Garden State and Ms. Portman's character really amuses me -- the young and maybe innocent girl who can't help but not tell the truth most of the time. i realized that people are like that.. somehow, i am like that -- a liar! i hate liars though. they really annoy me. ah! it makes me feel betrayed and hurt.. i remember when that person lied to me like a hundred times.. it brought me so much pain. and each day i asked God why.. i felt as if He lied to me. i began to ask why He made me think that everyone has good and pure heart. and i started regretting all the thank you's i gave Him for bringing that person in my life. but singlehood made me discover a lot of things about myself.. about my life.. things i might have not discovered had i forced that relationship. i realized how blessed i am. for one, i have a loving family. despite the usual feuds, we still remain in tact and all. i also have great friends. although at times we are kept apart either by distance or by our "own" things, they are still there for me 100%. we remain to be friends. i realized that although it has been quite unfortunate for me to get hurt big time by that person, i am still blessed. my so-called misfortune is very well compensated. i have no right to complain. and that is what dad usually tells me. count your blessings. that's what he said dec 31 of last year. that is so true. God is so good to me... to us! when the pain was still fresh, i kept on asking Him why, why this, or why me. but now, bahala na Sya. He knows what's best for me. Before, i always thought hindi ako malakas sa Kanya. but a while ago, i almost got lost on my way home.. i was so alone (at night!) but i wasn't scared. i talked to Him and asked Him to lead me.. and i got home fast, safe and sound. and i said to myself: God, that was a quick response. then i remember what i would always tell him when the traffic is terrible (oh god please don't do this to me..) and then vehicles would suddenly start moving. i would smile and think that it's like a modern-day-parting-of-the-red-sea. haha. funny huh? but my point is, all along i thought He doesn't asnwer my prayers but he does! He really does. But sometimes, it takes time.. probably, He's just looking for the right timing. or maybe, it won't bring good to us. even though i had bombarded Him with nothing but selfish questions, i hoped (notice the emphasis on the past tense) that one day that person would realize that he was bad, that one day he'd say sorry and mean it, and that the nice him would be awakened. no, i didn't want him to be good for me.. i wanted him to be better so that when the next girl comes along, she wouldn't experience the pain i had suffered.. and i think that that day has arrived. at first, i doubted. but i recalled how much i prayed for it. although it took time, He did answer my prayer. Malakas pala ako sa kanya! and so, i thought it's unfair for me to question Him again. i accepted his response to my prayer. and i am happy.. actually, happier. =) i am not being holier-than-thou... oh please... i don't even go to church regularly.. but this is how God is working for me.. and having read Gail's blog inspired me to post these things.. to be honest about what i really think and feel.. especially about God. Gail... too bad i never got to know this gal back in hs.. but after reading her blogs and friendster posts... i think she's an amazing person.. really. Bone painted the world at 11:59 PM | |
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because if you choose silence, people take advantage of you.
because if you dont speak, they will tell lies. because if you dont care and simply live life, they make up stories. because if you are loved, others will bring you down.
sometimes, you need a place you can call your own. where all you see and hear is the truth. a place where you see colors instead of just black&white. a happy place. home.
